Good Friday all year round

Our church just asked us all to write a devotional message for printing in a little Christmas advent devotional guide.  Here's what I came up with:

At Christmas we celebrate the Savior’s birth, at Easter, His resurrection.  In between them, though, is an important day we overlook as Christians.  Good Friday is the day our Lord was brutally murdered.  I feel that we push this day to the side because it reminds us of our need for someone to die for us.  We just don’t want to be reminded of our own personal giant bailout, let alone tell others about it.  Worse yet, our avoidance of Good Friday and the crucifixion, I believe, is symbolic of how we tend to live our lives in American culture.  We are entitled to a “good life” here in America and feel spurned by God if we don’t get our due.  We spend most of our energies, monies, and conversations trying to feel as good as or better than others.   We constantly give ourselves grace instead of holding ourselves to a higher standard, when the Bible clearly says, “Now you must give yourselves to be slaves to righteous living so that you will become holy” (Romans 6:19b). New life in Christ insists on a radical new way of living: Forgiving others, loving our enemies, building others up instead of ourselves and self-discipline in a country that gives us every freedom in the world.  Death is not a subject we like or are comfortable with, but is one that Christians, of all people, should know well.   In this world that does everything opposite of how God intended, it only makes sense that our lives in Him, would begin with death.   Neglecting the price paid for this precious gift of salvation demeans it, doesn’t make it attractive to others or help them know how they can have it too.   

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. 

Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 

Don’t look out only for your own interests, 

      but take an interest in others, too.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

 Though he was God,
      he did not think of equality with God
      as something to cling to.
 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
      he took the humble position of a slave
      and was born as a human being.
   When he appeared in human form,
      he humbled himself in obedience to God
      and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor
      and gave him the name above all other names,
 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
      in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
      to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2:3-11

Open Eyes, Open Mouth

Found these in Proverbs this morning, like I'd never seen them before:

28:27 "He who gives to the poor will not lack, but he who hides his eyes will have many curses."

29:7 "The righteous considers the cause of the poor, But the wicked does not understand such knowledge."

From my Baptist grandparents, I learned evangelism. From my Presbyterian (PCA) heritage, we learned theology. From Ben's Christian Missionary Alliance heritage, we learned the importance of missions. When we dabbled in Catholicism, we learned about tradition and history. When we were Apostolic, we learned about the Holy Spirit. When we became non-conservative Mennonites a year and a half ago, we were exposed to a part of the church body that we'd not seen before, the social justice crusaders.

I have learned to appreciate all of our experiences with different branches of the body of Christ. We are enjoying our newest adventure, and are joining with them in passionate cries for those who suffer throughout the world. For now, as a new church, we are focusing our energies on the local poor and a sister church in Colombia, South America, who with so much less than we have, is making a profound impact on its neighborhood. Ben and I are taking Spanish classes at church so that we can speak to our community's dominate poor population from Guatemala and Mexico and correspond with our sister church.

Before joining this church we didn't know any poor people. Not personally. We had a Compassion kid in Haiti, but that was it. For whatever reason, poor people want to come to our church, and it's been great to see imperfect people in the pews, like ourselves. There always were in other churches, but not that we could tell from looking at them. It's symbolic of the humble spirit that permeates our services. Where we share our flaws, our triumphs and little and big ways we see God every week.

It's funny, how I've read the Proverbs 31 woman so many times and never noticed how just before it was this:

31:8&9 "Open your mouth for the speechless, in the cause of all who are appointed to die. Open your mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy."

In the quiet beauty

Yesterday Ben said the ground had thawed so much it smelled like Spring. The grass was green this morning and now this is what we see outside our house. I have a million things I should be doing, but I can't stop watching the snow flakes as they fall down. They're coming down almost ferociously now. I can't get over how many snowflakes there are...and those are just the ones I can see over our house in this little town in Ohio.
I was pressed all week to be patient with three and a half year old Z and I realized that to be patient with him is really to forgive little inconveniences...over and over and over. I suppose one could say that about kindness, love and peace and all the other fruit of the spirit. That constant forgiving each other, letting go of wrongs and moving on because the relationship is so much more important, or because that's what someone else did for us.

When I look outside and up up into the falling snow and in between the big flakes nearby I see millions upon millions of tiny flakes on their way down. Snowflakes are ice crystals that form around floating bits of dirt. In the quiet falling of these beautiful crystals, I am reminded of God's quiet patience with me as if every flake represents a sin I've committed...or am going to commit. Bits of dirt in my life that He's covered, made beautiful somehow, and blankets the Earth, so all you see is beauty.

...it's after dinner now, it's dark out and it's still snowing. It's supposed to snow tomorrow too. Thank you, God, for the snow and for Your forgiveness, Your patience with me. Thank you for Your future forgiveness too, for tomorrow's snow, that I know I'll need.

Irresistible Revolution

The BOOK REVIEW you should read!

Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne

I have truly struggled with how and when to share my thoughts about this book with my readers. There are parts of this book that would truly offend many of you. Also, there is a growing popularity of the author in many circles that borders on idolatry. So, I hesitate. I don't want to offend and I don't want to be yet another wannabe dread head that follows Shane Claiborne and becomes part of a trend. I can live with being offensive, but I hate trends.

That being said, I really really liked this book. Not since I read, C.S. Lewis', " The Great Divorce," have I been so affected by a book other than the Bible. This book, which my pastor recommended, coupled with the impact of our new church has made me challenge some of the most significant soap boxes I've stood on in my life.

So, what did I like about it? First I'll tell you what I didn't like. I didn't like that the author did a lot of name dropping throughout the book. It was slow at one point, but it picked up again at the end. Also, he was rather blunt at times and I was offended, at first.

Instead of summing up the book, here's just a couple ways the book impacted me, you'll have to read the book for the controversial points:

• I'm reading the Bible with new eyes, asking with many others at our church in jest, "What if Jesus really did mean what He said?" For instance, "Feed the poor". I realized I don't actually know many poor people to feed. Thankfully, I'm starting to meet a few, but I have a long way to go! I've started giving my clothes and things away to actual people and not just sending it all to Salvation Army or Goodwill just to get my donation slip {YES, I endorsed this practice in my Money For Nothin' series a while back} . Here's what Shane Claiborne says about that:
  

I'm just not convinced that Jesus is going to say, "When I was hungry, you gave a check to the United Way and they fed me," or, "When I was naked, you donated clothes to the Salvation Army and they clothed me." Jesus is not seeking distant acts of charity. He seeks concrete acts of love: "you fed me...you visited me in prison...you welcomed me into your home...you clothed me."

...The church becomes a distribution center, a place where the poor come to get stuff and the rich come to dump stuff. Both go away satisfied (the rich feel good, the poor get clothed and fed), but no one leaves transformed. No radical new community is formed. And Jesus did not set up a program but modeled a way of living that incarnated the reign of God, a community in which people are reconciled and our debts are forgiven just as we forgive our debtors (all economic words). That reign did not spread through organizational establishments or structural systems. It spread like disease - through touch, through breath, through life. It spread through people infected by love.

• Community. "Love your neighbor as yourself" has taken on a refreshingly new meaning where I don't translate "neighbor" as just everybody in the world, but rather my actual neighbors, that live next door to me. I'm trying to truly love them, then branch out from there. I've taken bread to all of my neighbors since our move, with a note that invites them to call us if they need anything. Better yet, I'm trying (and so is Ben) to make genuine relationships with them. Sadly, at our last house I can count on one hand the number of good conversations I had with my neighbors and we lived there for nine years!

The community concept is much much bigger than just what I mentioned, but I'm taking baby steps. I have many aspirations that I'll share with you as they unfold. For a much bigger picture of community and how we can live out His will on Earth as it is in Heaven, read this book for some inspiring stories and some gut wrenching convictions.

Finally, I want to end with one last quote (actually of a footnote) that I love to share with others:

The story of Minucius is a beautiful glimpse of irresistible revolution. As a lawyer who was persecuting Christians, Minucius understood the empire and the religious establishment well. But he soon caught the contagion of love. Here's what he had to say about Christians before his conversion in AD 200: "They despise temples as if they were tombs. They despise titles of honor and the purple robe of high government office though hardly able themselves to cover their nakedness...They love one another before being acquainted. They practice a cult of lust, calling one another brother and sister indiscriminately.

And here's what he said after his conversion: "Why do they have no altars, no temples, no images?...What temple shall I build him [God] when the whole world, the work of his hands, cannot contain him? Should we not rather make a sanctuary for him in our souls? The whole heaven and the whole earth and all things beyond the confines of the world are filled with God...I would almost say: we live with him. What a beautiful sight it is for God when a Christian mocks the clatter of the tools of death and the horror of the executioner; when he defends and upholds his liberty in the face of kings and princes, obeying God alone to whom he belongs. Among us, boys and frail women laugh to scorn torture and the gallows cross and all the other horrors of execution" (Eberhard Arnold, ed., The Early Christians: In Their Own Words [Farmington, PA: Plough, 1998]).

God is Good All the Time, I'm not

One nice perk to living outside of town that we're noticing is the beauty we get to see everyday that we rarely saw before. Our little town had character, but now we see rolling hills with cows and horses, farmers farming, and clothes drying on a line. It does the heart good, I think.

The other day I was driving amidst this beauty and had one of those epiphany moments. I'd been wondering how certain people like my pastor's wife can be so very disciplined in their speech that you can't even imagine them ever speaking ill of another person. In that moment on the road, it dawned on me that to love God with all my heart, mind and strength is to also to glorify Him and to worship Him with all that I have all the time. Then my words and my actions are not my own. Every word should be for Him. What place is there in my worship/my life for speech that is negative about another creation, like me, that is made in HIS image?

The same could be said regarding anger, what place is there in worshiping God with my life to release the wrath of Becca on another precious soul, who do I think I am? God? There is evil in the world and it's not wrong to be angry about it or to speak of it, but since we are told to think on whatever is true, honest, just, pure, and lovely, well there isn't much time for yuck in our lives, is there? Not unless we're actively doing something about it anyways, eh?

So, Saturday, I went to visit Markie, my friend who was in a car accident and has severe brain damage. I read some of God's Word to him as honestly, it's sometimes hard to know what to say to someone who can't speak back to you. I probably thought God would speak to him through the passage, but no, He spoke to me instead. Here's what it said,

Don't speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God's law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you. God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor? -James 4:11&12

Calling all Pharisees! Chief Becca here to share that she's been wrong. It's not okay to judge ANYONE, ever! So they parent differently than you, maybe there's a good reason. So that church worships differently than you do, they're still the bride of Christ. So they have different political views (**gasp**, you mean maybe Jesus wasn't a Republican?). All I know is that there is NO bandwagon that I can jump on completely unless it's Jesus' personal bandwagon.

I've been praying for love, that I could just begin to love others as Christ does. Letting go of presuppositions that may not be Biblical and forming speech and actions that are disciplined is a good first step in loving my neighbor. Giving others grace as I would myself, and in all humility, love and respect for their Creator, worship God with my words and my actions, all the time, that's my goal.

Cooking with Becca
To make these cookies just double your cookie batter or divide it in half. To one half add 1/3 c. cocoa and dark chocolate chips or something else fun like m&m's or Reese's chunks. To the other half add mini chocolate chips or something different. I took spoonfuls of one batter and swirled it into the other to make the cookies above. I got thinking though that you could fridge the batters, roll them out, stack, roll up and cut to make fancy pinwheels!

Made my own vinaigrette for dinner Monday night. Took this recipe and tweaked it:
Becca's Honey Mustard Vinaigrette (Makes 1 cup, serves 4)
10 T oil (any type you have will work)
4T. Balsamic vinegar
2-3 t. dark brown sugar
1 T pesto (I have Classico Traditional Basil Pesto, but hope to make my own someday!)
1-2 t. honey Dijon mustard (the grittier the better)

I just shook it up and served it and it turned out great! A lot of the vinaigrette recipes I've tried lately have just not been sweet enough for my taste and my hubby suggested last time we add the brown sugar and that helped a lot. The pesto was my idea to replace all the herbs and garlic that get added separately. Oh, and I only had honey mustard on hand, but all the recipes I've seen call for regular mustard.

Salad Toppings

Just in case you need some dinner inspiration. In the summer we try to keep a bag of spinach in the fridge. We cut it up and throw on:

• Raisins (our favorite topping)
  
• Walnuts
• Chopped Apples
  
• Croutons/crackers
  
• Strawberries
• Shredded sharp cheddar or crumbled Feta
• Sliced grapes
• Chopped Carrots
• Sliced grilled chicken
  
• Raw chopped veggies like peppers, cucumbers or zucchini
  
• Grilled veggies like asparagus

Movie Review! On a Clear Day: A Scottish movie about a man who was made redundant and found the ambition to swim the English Channel. It was a good movie, with just a little language. At times the subtitles came in handy for their thick accents, but the same was part of what made it so endearing. We found this at our local library and glad we made time to watch.

WEB WORLD
Check out PlumPudding's neat post on "repurposing"
And this craft idea on RootsandWingsCo where they'll tell you step by step how to make it!
Update
I have all new pictures for the slide show. We had Z's 3rd birthday over the weekend, he's such a big boy now!!! Here he is with his garage sale present from mom and dad: a plasma ball! He loves it!

Juju is 9 months now and loves to pull herself up to stand. Saturday I caught her standing alone, unassisted! It was short lived, but it startled me nonetheless. Here she's showing off her curls from the baby lotion I put on her head after her baths.
Looks like our closing date for our current house has been postponed about 10 days so our buyer can get all their ducks in a row. Please pray that goes smoothly. Thanks!

Putting on Love
I learned something great in Sunday School a week ago. I was the teacher, but I'm pretty sure I learned the most. The lesson was on God's gift to everyone: Love and Forgiveness. As we tossed around a tupperware container full of slips of paper with different frustrating scenarios on them like, "Your brother just broke your favorite toy", when the container landed on you "L-O-V-E!", you had to come up with a way to show love and forgiveness in that situation.

I realized that by teaching our children to show love and forgiveness, we inadvertently teach them to follow rules. For instance, no need to say, "No hitting or fighting" when you could talk about God's great love and forgiveness for us and how we need to extend it to others. It's still in the theoretical stage, not sure how to practically apply it to lots of circumstances, but it's such a refreshing take on parenting, I am looking for ways to implement this concept in my own parenting. Doubtless, there are situations they just have to obey the rules like when it comes to safety, but to move my focus from teaching my kids rules to teaching them to be loving and forgiving is a good move in my opinion.

It reminds me of a wonderful resource my mom gave me a few years ago that lists all sorts of common behavior problems and identifies the heart issue (or sin) underlying the behavior, ideas of what to say to your child to put off the old attitude, put on the new and a Scripture reference to back you up. It's a great handy resource in a calendar like format and it's only $4 on Amazon.

Made in God's Image and Loved

I always read the obituaries. If I read the newspaper, that's what I read. My Grandpa would say he reads them to make sure his name's not there. I can't remember the last time I saw someone listed in the obituaries that I knew, but today I did. It made me sad. Her name was Kim Stutzman. She was 53. I knew her from my front door. You see, she was my Jehovah's Witness. I was nice to her, and she came back. I didn't really want her to, but she did. I thought, why would I send away a perfectly nice person who comes to me and wants to talk about God? I can't imagine Jesus pretending he wasn't home. So, I let her in.

Kim was a professional J.W. She'd been schooled with the best and was very cautious to protect herself from any non-Watchtower material. I insisted on using my Bible when we met, but, of course, she'd been prepped for that one and directed me to specific verses that were the same in her Bible. So we met under the auspices that we would discuss God, but really we were both trying to convert the other. My friend, Betty, told me she's won two J.W.s over to Christianity, and now they won't send any more over to her house. Perhaps I thought I could do the same. As if I had any power in this issue at all. Though I'd been raised a Christian and taught how to share my faith, even had a few lessons on dealing with cults from my Christian College, I still was in way over my head. She'd been educated almost daily by the Watch Tower Society at her local Kingdom Hall for over 30 years. If we were taking bets on who'd win our debates, I'd advise you to place your money on her.

She was good. Even if I did get a point in here or there, I lost all credibility by becoming consumed with being "right" or "winning". I did research between our meetings and printed out good articles that used only Watch Tower quotes to refute itself. I handed them to her at the end of one of our meetings and for one moment I was real with her, not out to conquer. I told her how concerned I was for her. "Just as much as you're concerned for me, I'm concerned for YOU." I asked her to please read the article and tore off the last page that was not Watch Tower quotes, when she explained she could not read anything that was not Watch Tower or from her Bible. She did read it, and was happy to report she could not see any problems with what she read. Through such different eyes we see.

Soon she got sick and had two nice ladies from the Hall come by and tell me she wouldn't be able to visit me for a while. They asked if they could come over and I said, "Sure!". I made tea and we had a tea party. Having learned from Kim what to expect and what didn't work, I tried a new approach. I just listened. I laughed with them. I was real with them. When they told me how many hours a week they had to be at the Hall, I genuinely said, "Wow! That's a lot of time! You guys sure have to do a lot!" I thought for a moment I could see some wheels turning. I loved them the best I could in an hour or so. I sent them with a note for Kim, wishing her well. They never came back.

I wish I sent more notes to Kim, not that I knew her husband's name to find her in the phone book, but I could have asked the other J.W. ladies when I ran into them around town. They remembered me as the lady who made tea for them. From her obituary, I learned that Kim has two daughters, wasn't always a J.W. and was a very good house keeper. I'm not surprised, she seemed like one of those super women who seem to have it all together all the time. I write about her so others may remember that those people who come to their door are still people...people wanting to talk about God no less. It literally could be a matter of life or death.

The Dragon

In the "Voyage of the Dawn Treader", by C.S. Lewis, the greedy, unpleasant, dragonish boy, Eustace, turns into an actual dragon. While he was a dragon "his tastes and his digestion were dragonish," and he half consumed the carcass of a dead dragon he found before he realized what he was even doing. He was lonely, shed big dragon tears, and several days after he'd turned into a dragon, Eustace met Aslan, the lion. Aslan led Eustace, the dragon, to a well that was large and much like a big bath. The lion told him he must undress first, and he realized it was his dragon skin that needed to be shed before he could bathe. So he scratched at his scales and they began coming off, he scratched a bit deeper and instead of just scales, his whole skin started peeling off "beautifully, like it does after an illness or as if I was a banana...it was the most lovely feeling." Then just as he was about to step into the water, he noticed his skin was still rough and scaley, so he scratched again and it came off too. He looked down again and he was still scaley as though he wore many dragon suits. When he finally realized that he couldn't scratch off all the dragon layers, the lion said to him,

"'You will have to let me undress you.' I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it. The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know - if you've ever picked the scab off a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is fun to see it coming away.
"I know exactly what you mean," said Edmund.
"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off - just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt - and there it was, lying on the grass, only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me - I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on - threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again. You'd think me simply phony if I told you how I felt about my own arms. I know they've no muscle and are pretty mouldy compared with Caspian's, but I was so glad to see them.
"After a bit the lion took me out and dressed me.
"Dressed you? With his paws?"
"Well I don't exactly remember that bit, but he did somehow or other, in new clothes - the same I've got on now, as a matter of fact."

In one more important part, C.S. Lewis notes:

It would be nice, and fairly true, to say that "from that time forth Eustace was a different boy." To be strictly accurate, he began to be a different boy. He had relapses. There were still many days when he could be very tiresome. But most of those I shall not notice. The cure had begun.

It's hard to share one's spiritual story with the world, where to some talk of such things is commonplace, to others a foreign language. I'll happily share more of my lonely dragon days with any of you, just mention "zerbik" and I'll know you want to talk more. This illustration of a dragon, eating his own, surrendering to one much mightier than he and finding new life in his human skin is one that I feel I have much in common with.

When we eat too much junk food, the toxins overtake our cells and our bodies crave more junk. When I was a dragon I wanted what dragons wanted. But He chose me. Layers upon layers is what He found...rather what He knew and died for. I am daily surprised at how many scales continue to reveal themselves. Yes, daily. It's a good thing though and I'm beginning to want what is good for me and finally detest what brought me down and still sometimes does. Greed, selfishness, pride...such awful pride, lust and more layers I sadly don't even see yet have made up the colors of my dragon self.


What I'm excited about is what's underneath. I believe God has had a picture in mind of who I would be. My life purpose is now to become more and more congruent with that picture. I believe this makes God happy. I know His picture is good, truly good, which may be beyond my understanding. I know it matches up with what the Bible says is good and right.

I used to talk to one of our teenage girls that lived with us about living a "congruent" life. I explained that if God's picture of us was drawn on a transparency and put on an overhead projector, we'd want our lives to match up with that if our lives were drawn on another transparency and put on top of God's picture. That may sound convoluted, but this is really really big! Think about not just the things you do that you know you shouldn't, but the things in your heart that you want to do that you don't, even how well you listen to your conscience (perhaps the Holy Spirit) from moment to moment. God gives us what we need moment by moment to help us get congruent with that beautiful picture He's drawn.

Welcome Zerbik!

Some of you know I have kept another blog, Zerbik, for about two years now. I call it "My deep thoughts blog", but it's really where I journal my spiritual struggles and revelations. I've decided to import the entire blog to this one.

The move is symbolic, I think, of my own being ready to integrate my faith into every area of my life. As I write this I realize it's an answer to prayer really. I'd been praying that God would teach me how to share His Love with others. In putting this on my heart, to move my Zerbik site to this one, I learn that I need to be my whole self with everyone. In the past I'd compartmentalize friends as those that I can talk about spiritual things and those that I could not. I didn't want to make people uncomfortable. I'm not out to bash people on their heads with my Bible, but it's really good for me to be myself, my real self, all the time.

The name Zerbik came about from what my parents call "Raspberries" that you give each other on your stomachs. We called them "zerbiks". I grew up to find that the word was actually "Zerbert" and it was made popular by the Cosby show in the 80s. I think there's a lot of things like that in life where you grow up thinking one thing only to find out it's actually another, but actually someone just made both of them up. I think we're supposed to reevaluate what we were taught growing up and then continue to reevaluate what society continually tries to teach us. Perhaps the way most people raise their children isn't beneficial for your child! Perhaps the common view of God isn't the true picture. Perhaps how we act as Christians isn't that Christ-like most of the time. Zerbik is about my search for truth in every area, especially the gray ones that the Bible isn't explicit about.

You'll find posts about circumcision, balancing freedom and discipline, loving others (even competitive moms), handling self-imposed crisis and lots more. I hope you enjoy this "new" addition to WigLife. Click on the label "Zerbik" in the list of labels on the left to read some of my heart poured out.

Christmas or Xmas?

Ideas for Keeping the true meaning of Christmas your focus:

1. Do advent calendars or advent candles/wreaths to prepare yourself and family for the holiday.
   
2. Do a Jesse Tree! See this link for more information! [Thanks to Kristina for this tip]
3. Give just one gift to others in your family to symbolize the one special gift of Jesus' birth.
4. Use a child-friendly nativity set to tell your kids the story of Jesus' birth.
5. Participate in your church's Christmas activities as a family
6. Read the Christmas story aloud on Christmas or Christmas Eve: Matthew 1:18-25; Matthew 2:1-12; Luke 1:26-38; Luke 2:1-20.
7. Teach thankfulness by role-modeling. Don't take back gifts unless you need a different size. Have your kids pose for pictures with their new possessions and send those with thank yous, better yet, have your child write the thank you! Why not make being grateful as big of a deal as opening presents?
   
8. Volunteer at shelters, visit a nursing home or someone who's lonely.

I think there's a number of things we can do (and not do) to keep Christ at the center of this holiday that bears His Name. However, just as in Christianity it's no longer about what we do or don't do that brings us closer to God. Jesus' perfect sacrifice was the fulfillment of all our debts, and now what's left for us to do? " To glorify God and enjoy Him forever," according to the Westminster Catechism for children that my parents had me memorize when I was five. So too, with Christmas, we will get the most out of that day, as with every day if we love the Lord God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and love others as we love ourselves. The true meaning of Christmas is love, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."

In my last Zerbik post, I wrote that our relationships on Earth reflect our relationship with God. It goes without saying, though I'm gonna say it anyway, it's a good time to get right with God and mend broken relationships here too. How many kids are just wishing that their parent would just spend time with them or be nice to them, and secretly wanting that more than any other gift. Or maybe it's the parents wishing their kids would be loving toward them? The same goes for husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, co-workers and so on.

The best way to enjoy your holiday and keep the true meaning of Christmas all at the same time is to remember that you were created for something bigger than yourself and then act like it.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and other ideas on this subject.

One of Becca's Theories

I'm sure I'm not the only one who creates theories. I'm currently working on a theory of what one's eye brows say about a person. The one I'm sharing today, however, has been in the works for several months if not years. I thought about it a lot as I worked as a mental health counselor for six years. I do know that there are much more qualified and well spoken people in the world who have probably spoke or written on this very subject. As with most of my Zerbik entries, this is just something that's new to me. Very likely it's not to you. The most exciting part of this is that in my struggling to understand this "theory", I feel God revealed something to me. Now I get to share it with you!! I'll be as succinct as possible.

MY THEORY
The two primary foundations for relationships are trust and respect. Being able to rely on someone's integrity and knowing that they will not intentionally hurt you is how I'm defining "trust". Respect is more complicated. The dictionary backs up my feeling that there are two ways to really define "respect". One, is to like a person, the other, is to value the rights of another and to defer to them. In counseling couples struggling in their marriages, I found often that at least one person neither trusted the other or respected them, in either definition of the term.

TRUST
I've shared before how excited I was to be rewarded upon entering marital vows to be given such a gift of trust between my new husband and myself. I still attribute it to demonstrating self-control (abstinence) for three years as we dated. Watching each other struggle and taking turns being strong to uphold our shared values paid off in a way we couldn't have expected. We were obeying God's Word just because we were supposed to. Who knew blind obedience to God could be so rewarding. We had many older couples tell us that we were very "mature" for a couple only married two years (now eleven). We weren't necessarily "mature", but we were able to give each other a freedom that didn't result in endless arguments. It also helps in preventing lots of bickering in our marriage when we trust that the other is on our side and not out to get us. I do forget sometimes, but how much worse it could have been without our gift of trust?

How can one build trust with others? I believe that following God's commands however they apply to you in your situation is the best way. We can NEVER trust another person so fully as we can trust God. We're fallible, He's not. Ultimately, in my marriage, it's not Ben that I trust, but God in Him. I trust him to trust God, do what He commands, be obedient to the best of his ability and that God will honor that and protect us where we fail.

RESPECT
This is the area God has revealed the most to me lately. There's two major revelations I've been given.
1.) If you don't respect or like someone, the problem is actually in your heart.
2.) To respect someone is to truly love them.

These principles apply to relationships that aren't romantic as well. They apply to co-workers and churches and friends. If you struggle to find love in your heart for a person, simply ASK GOD. He will, I promise, give you love for that person if your heart is open enough to ask. As with developing trust you may find yourself being led in baby steps of obedience to God in loving that person. Sometimes, He just fills my heart with love and compassion for a person. Sometimes it's work and takes time.

NO TRUST
In the situation that you cannot trust a person because they do not obey God and have proven themselves to be untrustworthy. It is still your job to love that person, however, do not marry them, if you're not already married! It is when we must have people in our lives that we cannot trust that we are to develop healthy boundaries with the person. Read "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend for more details on setting boundaries.

NO RESPECT
Again, God made this very clear to me, that this is due to sin in my heart, not theirs. Do we hold them to a higher standard than ourselves? Why can we not find grace in our hearts for this person? If you don't respect a person, I'd like to say that you're not likely to have married them in the first place, but it happens all the time. The wife looks down on the husband for being unmotivated, the husband looks down on the wife for being emotional or weak. There's too many scenarios to list, but there's no problem too big for God's love to heal. We will only grow closer to our God and become more like Jesus when we weather those storms in our relationships.

THE BEAUTY OF IT ALL
We all know that there is "give and take" in a relationship. Our sinful hearts are so easily tempted to make gods of our own pleasure and focus on what we're getting out of a relationship. Here's the true give and take in relationship: I give God my trust enough to obey His Word and His leadings in my heart in loving others and simply living as He has called me to live. I, then, receive the trust and respect of others and am filled with God's love for others irregardless of how much I "get out of a relationship" with them. Every relationship is an outpouring of our relationship with our heavenly Father. Our God is a God of reconciliation. When there's trouble in your relationships, throw yourself down before the throne and ask for healing in your own life. When you've gotten right with Him, you'll see with new eyes the others in your life.

Our Common Imperfection

Yesterday afternoon, I cut Z's hair. Z didn't want me to cut his hair. I gave him zucchini bread, a banana, and finally a popsicle, but nothing helped the fact that he didn't want his hair cut. Ben was high above us on a ladder painting the outside of our house. Though I hated to bother him, I asked for his help. He helped me hold Z's head while I finished with the clippers, then got the scissors back out to trim around his ears. As Z fought us it was clear I was at risk of cutting his ear if I wasn't careful. I was being as careful as I thought a person could, and when Ben said, "Watch out for his ears," I insisted, "I won't cut his ear." You know what happened? I cut his ear. Clipped the top with the scissors. Ben was upset, Z was screaming, I was beside myself. What an awful moment. We rushed him upstairs for his bath and within a couple minutes Z calmed down and played in the water. It bled just a little bit. It was going to be okay, I let myself cry.

In my tears I continued my conversation I'd been having with God since our walk in the morning. "Usually You feel my pain, You know what I'm going through, but I don't think You do right now. You never screwed up. How can you know what that feels like? You're our perfect Father, and I know you hurt when we're hurting and that's part of it, that our little boy got hurt, but it's more than that. You would never hurt your children, certainly not by accident." Jesus never screwed up on Earth, God doesn't screw up. It never dawned on me until yesterday that there really was ONE feeling out there that God didn't experience first hand. I hope these thoughts aren't sacrilegious!

So, as I gathered myself and even mustered the courage to finish the haircut in the tub, I continued my prayerful thoughts, "That's why we're all so frustrated with our parents at some point in our lives, isn't it? That's where they don't measure up to our heavenly Father's example. We want them to be just like you, but they can't be, not while we're still here on Earth."

So, my final thought I found myself thinking was, "So, what? We all are in the same boat here on Earth we're flawed parents with flawed parents. That's what draws us to You, isn't it? We all need your forgiveness and to show Your forgiveness. We all need You."

Perhaps not a life shattering epiphany, but a conversation of note, at least, in my prayers.

All to the Glory of God

For years I've known I need to do something, and for years I haven't done it. It's not too hard, I'm not sure what keeps me from doing it. I've felt compelled to keep a Spiritual journal. This website is the closest I've really come to doing that. I want to have a log of answers to prayer, blessings, and messages from God. Today, I've decided is a good day to start. It may not be on paper as I imagined, but it's a log nonetheless.

Have you heard of George Mueller? I hadn't until watching a Veggie Tales short story on his life (it's on Gideon: Tuba Warrior). Ben grew up watching movies on amazing Christians at church and knew of him. Basically, Mr. Mueller felt God was leading him to show God's glory by not ever asking anyone for anything, but trusting God to provide for his every need. He and his wife ran an orphanage in England. On the Veggie Tale a reporter visited him one evening and overheard that they had no food for breakfast for the children. The reporter was concerned, but Mr. Mueller assured him that God would provide for all their needs according to His riches in glory and invited the reporter to join them for breakfast in the morning. He did and was witness to how God can provide. The local baker felt God wanted him to bake bread for Mr. Mueller and his orphanage and awoke in the middle of the night to do so. The milk cart broke down in front of their home and needed to off load milk there or it would spoil, "You can have all you want," he said. The reporter wrote an article and the Muellers were able to go on to open many more orphanages in England.

I have been praying that God would give me the faith to trust in Him so much that I too could say with confidence, "Join us for breakfast in the morning," without knowing from where it will come. This past week, I did the bills when Ben got his check and since I'd overspent on food the last few weeks (OK, months), the bills got paid, but that was it. We were broke and had two weeks ahead of us before he got paid again. I looked again and found a couple bills I had scheduled to be paid early, so that freed up a little bit, then found we had scheduled some money to be withdrawn for savings that hadn't been taken out yet, and so stopped those to free up a little more. I got my check, which was a little more than I expected it to be. Then it was Saturday night and we had to decide if we'd tithe or not. We usually do, but doing so this time would take half of what I'd scrounged up. Ben gave me the go ahead and in faith we did. We knew that God would reveal His glory this week.

Ben went away this week and ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or soup all week in Tennessee. I too, was super careful here at home eating the food I'd accumulated from the months before. Still, we were getting low. Just when I'd spent the last of our money, a check came in the mail from a relative who would probably prefer to remain anonymous for $150. We don't just get money from people very often. I broke down, knowing that even though we were in this pinch to begin with because I'd been a poor steward of the money entrusted to us, God still provided. In fact, we now have more than we had at the beginning of the week (after tithe).

What's more, I went to work yesterday, I always take a granola bar, we were out. I supervise a family visit with each other for two hours each week and can't stand to watch them eat dinner and be hungry myself. In the break room some one had set out a box of fruit/cereal bars due to their expiration date nearing. The sign said, "Free". So, this pregnant lady didn't even have to be uncomfortable for two hours while watching people eat their dinner.

Today's devotional in "My Utmost for His highest," was entitled Moral Dominion and I loved what Oswald Chambers said,

"The weakest saint can experience the power of the Deity of the Son of God if once he is willing to "let go." Any strand of our own energy will blur the life of Jesus. We have to keep letting go, and slowly and surely the great full life of God will invade us in every part, and men will take knowledge of us that we have been with Jesus." Amen.

My Easter Story

I grew up Protestant. We mainly protested against Catholics. So, of course, when I finally hit my rebellious years in my twenties, my husband and I were drawn toward Catholicism. It helped we lived (and still live) in a primarily Polish and Italian area, where most people are Catholic. It also helped that Ben's parents were going through a long, yucky divorce that fueled our anger toward what we had grown up with. Oh, and that the church we had become leaders at (young adults Sunday school, teens Sunday school, youth group band leaders, small group leaders, etc.) had become so "Seeker Friendly" we weren't benefiting Spiritually at all. Anyways, after toying with the idea of joining the Catholic church and intermittently attending Mass for a year or two, we finally decided not to join. Mainly because our reason was to spite others (parents included, sorry...), and we realized that was a bad reason to join. We remained churchless for about seven years. We weren't Godless, however, and grew a great deal during this sabbatical. There are a few things that we took, however, from that experience of dabbling in Catholicism.

The biggest lesson I learned was that it is very likely that there are just as many "saved" people in a Catholic mass as there are in a Protestant congregation. Take that either way you want. I didn't realize how many awesome Catholic Christians there are out there. What's nice about them is that they don't have the same annoying hang-ups that we Protestants do, like our tendency to be Pharisaical and judgmental. They have different ones and that was refreshing. I'm only gonna pick on my own kind for now. Overall, I had a good experience, learned to stop hating Catholics for no good reason, recognized some differences that won't keep me from loving my fellow Christians in the Catholic Church, but doesn' t make me want to join them, and finally realized that perhaps everything I grew up with wasn't all that bad after all.

It really took me all this to just say, when someone invited me to do Lent with them last year, I was open to it. Why not? Jesus suffered for 40 days and 40 nights, I can suffer a little in remembrance. I gave up TV during the day. Doesn't sound like much, but being home all day with a little guy when it's too cold to go outside, it was something to me, and I had been feeling a little convicted about watching so much TV. I was religious about it and when Easter came I was surprised to feel actual relief and thankfulness. Such a little sacrifice for 40 days with Jesus' resurrection as a finale was overwhelming. What a humbling reminder of how much I need that grace and forgiveness.

Even more powerful was my experience this year. I had morning sickness when Lent began so I had the sneaky idea that I'd give up desserts and chocolate. I couldn't eat anything sweet anyways! Totally made me sick. Thankfully, my morning sickness went away a couple weeks later, and then I had to tame my overwhelming desire to compensate for the month of sickness by eating everything in sight. If you've read our family blog in the past month or two, you'll see it's filled with tons of recipes and pictures of food. That's how I coped with not being able to eat my sweets, eating everything else that sounded good. I was being pretty strict at first even though my "sacrifice" was pretty broad in scope. Then I heard that many Catholics take Sundays off or just offer a sacrifice of prayer when they "screw up". The idea of grace is a familiar one that I've revelled in for many years now, and since it resonated with me I gave myself a little grace. Sundays I'd have a treat, just not chocolate or cake. Only ice cream or cookies. Not both. I wasn't cheating too badly! OK, occasionally I had to offer up the sacrificial prayer in lieu of being faithful to the fast from sweets. Well, here it is, Easter is upon us, and I am more humbled than ever.

Wednesday I blew it. Not with the sugary stuff, but my temper. About three weeks ago Z drew all over our leather ottoman with ink pen. I panicked, Googled "ink on leather", tried a little hand sanitizer on it, the ink came up but so did the leather's color, I reached for the fancy cleaner kit that came with the couch set and found....an insurance policy for the leather! I called, it doesn't expire until December this year. I didn't even remember we had it! I was so thankful! We completed the claim forms, were totally up front about everything, then Wednesday, I got their response in the mail. They wouldn't help us because of the color loss that happened when I tried to clean it. Now, without rabbit-trailing too much: The area that Z scribbled on is 19.5" x 10" , the area I attempted to clean with a Q-tip is about a half inch square. I was infuriated! I ranted and raged around the house like a mad woman for about a half hour after I called the insurance lady and yelled at her. She was not helpful. Thankfully, I only called Ben in the midst of this and no one else had to suffer from it. I deescalated and told Ben I was going to be OK and even called the lady back and apologized to her for my rudeness. I'd like to blame hormones, I always would like to blame hormones, but I had been sane all day until then.


It just reminded me of how I tried to cut out sweets as a sacrifice to God, then took the first opportunity to rationalize cookies, ice cream, birthday treats, etc. Here I'm supposed to be a new creation in Christ, meaning, I can turn to Him in everything and not lose it like I'm lost. I know where to go, I know what the Bible says to do, and I find every rationalization that fits my circumstances when I need to. What's worse is I'm super proud of myself when I occasionally do things just right (like return kindness for evil).

I sheepishly asked God to rip out all my stingy pride, hateful greed and anything else that keeps me from loving others, knowing His answer might be painful. Right now, I'm just feeling like a wounded soldier that got hurt from running the wrong way. I'd really like to get it all just right, like I did last year for Lent, but I'm ever so grateful for this picture that screams to me of my need for a loving Savior that makes everything just right in spite of me.

Let me love

So, I'm learning to love. Really love. Loving your neighbor as yourself sounds nice, but in practice? What does that look like? I love how when Jesus was asked, "Who is my neighbor?," his reply was a story that really showed how to be a neighbor as the Samaritan took care of the man along side of the road. If the stranger along the road is my neighbor then, of course, people I know are my neighbor too, so every person, being Created in the image of God is my neighbor. By his answer, I think Jesus was saying, it's more important to focus on how I'm being a neighbor than to worry if someone is my neighbor or not.


I'm memorizing Romans 12 now. I recite I Corinthians 13 to Ezra as I rock him to sleep everyday, now with a new baby on the horizon I figure it's time to introduce another love chapter. Verse ten (in Romans) says to "honor one another above yourselves," and that's what grabbed me. Perhaps it's my all or nothing/black or white concrete thinking that gets me caught up on these details, but prior to reading this I thought we were to view ourselves equally with others. Which is hard enough when we're so chock full of self-esteem and confidence these days. Maybe not everybody, but I've got plenty, just not always in the right things.


I'm finding that loving others is being constantly open to God's love and grace. It's setting aside my sin to listen to what God would have me say or do for each person I come across. So, Lord, let me be eager to share with others when they express a need and not greedy or untrusting in You to provide for my needs. Let me hear the loving words You'd have me share when others confide in me instead of being filled with pride or competitiveness. Lord, let me be quick to forgive when I'm wronged by others, remembering how much you've forgiven me. Help me to not be in such a hurry that I can't listen to someone who wants to talk. Let me be fair if not generous the next time I have to decide how much to tip someone or bargain for a price instead of priding myself on how "frugal" I am or what a great deal I got at some one else's loss. Let me be patient and ask for your wisdom when I'm frustrated or angry with my neighbor. Let my words be encouraging and uplifting not unguarded and wreckless. Let me think outside of myself and rest in You instead of allowing my worries and anxieties about my own busy life block my view of other's true pain and needs. Let me be an open spout of your Love pouring freely though me to others.

Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Hebrews 13:2
Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.

Swinging Pendulum

I find it so hard to muster the courage to write in this Spiritual journal I've started that sometimes it takes me a while to update it. This is my twentieth post on this blog and I'm actually surprised I've written that many! Forgive the delay to those (two) of you that read this. I'd like to preface this entry with a brief history of where I've come from. In regards to understanding "freedom in Christ" and being disciplined, I've been on a swinging pendulum. Prior to age 20 (which coincidentally, is when I got married), I was super disciplined in reading my Bible, going to church, and well, rather black and white about everything. I was never living up to my own standards let alone God's and constantly felt as insufficient as I really was. In my twenties I came to a new understanding of this "freedom in Christ", realizing, that there really was nothing I could do to make God love me any more or any less. That's actually something I remember my parents saying, but I didn't get it until I left home. Here's the big swing, I let go of all those chains around my neck making me feel guilty all the time and reveled in my new found freedom. I didn't go crazy doing harmful things, but I'm saying in letting go of these obligations, and telling myself, for instance, that I'll just read my Bible when I'm aching to, surely that won't be more than every other day...

In a nutshell, I swung (is that correct?) so far the other way I didn't read for a year, telling myself "God still loves me!" To make matters worse, we stopped going to church for like six years, "Going to church doesn't save you!" Now, I'm trying to bring back some much needed discipline into my life, which I need in EVERY area (controlling my mouth for one, structuring my day, exercising, memorizing Scripture, writing letters to people, etc.), and I'm trying not to swing too far the other way that I get overwhelmed and quit again! I've never been great at finding balance, it's so much easier to see the extremes.


It's not just with God, though, for me, the swing affected my approach to people too. I was the best brown-nose in school, ask anyone! I feared people as much as I did God's wrath. When I realized my freedom, I stopped caring what others thought. I struggled with respecting authority figures especially and even rationalized not exercising or eating right with thoughts like, "My husband loves me no matter what!" Obviously, by writing about this I see the error in it, but I still struggle on a daily basis with doing my best to do what is right and giving myself grace when I don't. As simple as it sounds...

Yet again, we have a Zerbik entry on obeying God and a Veggie Tale quote. I've written before about God reteaching me obedience: To the Pure all things are Pure, Do what you're told, Freedom vs. Discipline, and the all too popular, "Circumcision." My Veggie Tale quote comes from "Gideon: Tuba Warrior" when the angel appears to Gideon and tells him he's been chosen to lead Israel's army against the excessively hairy Midianites. Gideon doesn't think he can do this and assumes there's been a mistake, surely God wouldn't ask him to do such a thing. The angel said to him, "If you want to hear God say, 'Well done," you'll have to do what He asks." For me, that says it all.

When I started this blog a year ago, I didn't expect to see myself wrestling so much with the simple issue of obedience. I also didn't expect to quote talking vegetables so much. The biggest surprise is what a spiritual battle it is to actually type these entries. I probably have twenty more Zerbik entries in my head in any given week, but you only saw twenty in the past year because I over analyzed whether something was worth sharing or too personal...well, maybe it's good I've shown some restraint.

The Love Journey

I've been praying that God would teach me how to love others. Oh, and to rip my awful pride out too. I'm so darn selfish and proud. Anyways, it didn't dawn on me until last night that it's probably related to that prayer that I felt God drawing me to memorize 1 Corinthians 13, yup the whole love chapter. I've got the first seven verses down. I'm chunking it (psycho-babble term for dividing it into chunks) then writing out the chunk several times every night until I think I have it down. I also try to quote it to Ezra while I'm putting him to sleep for his naps and at bedtimes. Our church decided to start memorizing scripture too starting with 1 Corinthians 9:24-25. Maybe I'll end up memorizing the whole book! That would definitely be worthy of a "Super" sticker. I'll keep you posted on that one!

So, I feel I'm on some sort of learning to love journey. On a somewhat related topic, I've been thinking a lot about how us moms like to pick each other a part. I didn't realize how brutal it could get until I became a mom. It's cut throat, I'm telling you! "You do what?!" "You're still nursing?" "You're co-sleeping?" and so on and so on. I was [ahem] priding myself in how accepting I was of other moms and not judging different parenting styles, when I got some feedback from some people about my parenting style. Without a thought [that's probably key here] I defended myself, if only in my head, then found myself being critical of them!
Ack! I've figured out two places criticism can come from: ego-centrism (thinking you're the top tomato) or from insecurity (or jealousy which is rooted in insecurity). The latter happens because we want others to think we're a good mom, and we're somewhat dependent on others to reassure us of this. So, ideally I would be OK with my abilities as a Mom all by myself, and recognize that my ways aren't always going to work for others and vice versa. Easier said than done especially when we all can agree that being 'Mom' is the most important job we've ever had and most would admit we don't always know what to do as each child and circumstance is different. So, as I write this I'm realizing how humbling God must have meant motherhood to be. Funny that [say with English accent], when Moms often have a reputation for being prideful. I guess my two prayers were very related as I think about it now. Maybe by being humble and not being defensive or criticizing, I am loving others. It's a step anyways. Here's part of my memory chapter with an ambitious twist:

Moms are patient, moms are kind to their kids and to each other. They do not envy even when other moms dress their kids better; they do not boast even when their kid really is amazing, they are not proud or defensive, but humble and non judgemental. Moms are not rude to anyone, they are not self-seeking, they are not easily angered, they keep no record of their children's, husband's or their own wrongs. Moms do not delight in evil, but rejoice with the truth. They always protect and teach their children right from wrong, always trust others, always hope and expect the best in people, and always persevere in their hard work.

Veggie Tales

I have so many different Zerbik thoughts going around in my head right now, this is just the most recent and easiest to get down. I am planning a series on Ayurveda to share with the world the cool things I've learned about that, but it's taking a bit of preparation and research.

We were watching, "A Snoodle's Tale," from our Veggie Tale collection and I loved how the little Snoodle came into the world with wings and a back-pack with paints and a horn. The message of the show was that God loves you and has a plan for your life, and that although others use the gifts they've been given to hurt others, God gave them those gifts to enjoy life and bring glory to Him.

I was thinking about that little Snoodle coming into the world with his paints and horn and wings, and got thinking about what gifts God gave me. I could give you a million reasons why I don't draw, paint or sing much these days, but this little Veggie Tale reminded me that whether or not I'm any good at these things isn't the point, it's using them to glorify God that matters. So, why can't I paint a picture just for Him and not worry about what anyone else thinks? It's hard to make time sometimes, but that too is another excuse I've given for not getting around to it. I share this in hopes that you'll consider making time or gather the courage to do something you know you're meant to do (make a joyful noise, a craft, cooking, baking, scrapbooking, writing letters, photography, you fill in the blank...) just for Him, because you love Him.

My Water, His Cloud

I watched some DVDs that my parents loaned me called "Changing Hearts, Changing Lives" from the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation. There were several good points, but one I like is the water bottle analogy. The teacher said that if a water bottle with it's lid off gets pushed or pulled or twisted water goes on the floor. The world says that there's water on the floor because the bottle got pushed, pulled and twisted. The Bible says that there's water on the floor because there was water in the bottle. Meaning, if you get pushed, pulled and twisted by stresses in life, what comes out of you is what was in you, not the fault of the stressors. I liked that because I find myself giving myself excuses for sinful behavior, "I was totally stressed out," "I'm hormonal," or "I didn't have enough sleep last night," etc. I think I don't even consider my curt answers, impatience and quick anger 'sin', it was just me having a bad day. Sometimes, I've gone as far as to give myself a quota of "bad moods" per month or week, like it's due me or something! It's my easy rationalization, it skips the excuse! I thought so often that "nobody's perfect" that the saying transformed in my mind from a fact to a rationale and excuse.

Since this little enlightenment, bringing awareness to more sinful reactions I'd ignored ("You woke up the baby?!" "I already told you, you weren't listening" responding with sarcasm or curtness, etc.) I became frustrated with how often I failed. In reading my little devotional from Oswald Chambers, "My Utmost for His Highest," I was inspired how he backed up the Biblical Counseling DVD series I watched in viewing every stressful, painful, difficult moment as a moment for God to be with us that very moment and do a good work in us. He describes these moments as clouds. I tried describing his cloud analogy to my friend and it came out rather long-winded and well, cloudy. So, in his own words, I give you Mr. Oswald Chambers:

In the Bible clouds are always associated with God. Clouds are the sorrows, sufferings, or providential circumstances, within or without our personal lives, which actually seem to contradict the sovereignty of God. Yet it is through these very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were never any clouds in our lives, we would have no faith. "The clouds are the dust of His feet" ( Nahum 1:3 ). They are a sign that God is there. What a revelation it is to know that sorrow, bereavement, and suffering are actually the clouds that come along with God! God cannot come near us without clouds— He does not come in clear-shining brightness.

It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials. Through every cloud He brings our way, He wants us to unlearn something. His purpose in using the cloud is to simplify our beliefs until our relationship with Him is exactly like that of a child— a relationship simply between God and our own souls, and where other people are but shadows. Until other people become shadows to us, clouds and darkness will be ours every once in a while. Is our relationship with God becoming more simple than it has ever been?

There is a connection between the strange providential circumstances allowed by God and what we know of Him, and we have to learn to interpret the mysteries of life in the light of our knowledge of God. Until we can come face to face with the deepest, darkest fact of life without damaging our view of God’s character, we do not yet know Him.

". . . they were fearful as they entered the cloud" (Luke 9:34). Is there anyone except Jesus in your cloud? If so, it will only get darker until you get to the place where there is "no one anymore, but only Jesus . . ." (Mark 9:8 ; also see Mark 2-7 ).

That last bit is my favorite part. Do I see anyone but Jesus in my stressful moment? Sometimes I'll see Him along with the people or situation that's shaking my bottle up. Often, I don't see Jesus at all in those moments, but I'm starting to look for Him. To make Him the only One I see helps me realize how utterly in control of all things He is. Thank goodness for that!

Ezra

This is an excerpt from a book I admire and appreciate called, "What the Bible is all about," by Henrietta C. Mears. This entire book is dedicated to making the Bible easy to understand and draws a cultural and historical picture of each book in the Bible. My favorite part is the depiction of the prophet, Ezra:

Ezra, the Scribe
Of Ezra it is said he prepared his heart to seek the law of the LORD, and to do it, and to teach in Israel statutes and judgments (Ezra 7:10). His name means "help." He belongs to the great triumvirate of the Old Testament times (Moses, Samuel, Ezra). He wrote and worked to keep the record intact and to hold Israel, God's chosen people, to her divinely appointed mission. We are indebted to Ezra for the literary and ecclesiastical renaissance of that day. He did a work in forming the scripture canon for which he was appointed of God. Tradition makes him the president of a council of 120 men who formed the Old Testament canon.

In addition to Ezra's outstanding ministry of the Word, he probably wrote portions of I and II Chronicles, and Psalm 119 which is a wonderful poem on the Word of God. As we have said, he instituted the synagogue worship which is the parent of our own form of worship, and assisted by the Great Synagogue of which he was president, settled the canon of Old Testament Scripture. It was under Ezra that we see the great revival of Bible study.

Ezra was the Thomas Jefferson of his time, laying the constitutional foundations for the future. To him we are indebted for codifying Israel's laws and the formation of her scripture canon.

When Ezra returned to Jerusalem, he found things even worse than he expected. Although the people had not returned to idolatry, they had intermarried with the people of the land and had done everything that the heathen had taught them (Ezra 9:1-4). The princes and rulers were the worst offenders. Ezra rent his garments and literally pulled out his hair in grief! Read Ezra's touching prayer and confession (9:5-15).

Ezra's Prayer
As Ezra was praying and weeping before God, a great congregation assembled. What happened? (Read Ezra 10:1-44.) The people who had gathered about him through the longs hours of the day came to a consciousness of the greatness of their sin as they saw how it affected Ezra. Finally, one of their number spoke and acknowledged the sin. At once Ezra led them into a sacred covenant with God. Read what God says about confession of sin (I John 1:9):

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."