Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Our Common Imperfection

Yesterday afternoon, I cut Z's hair. Z didn't want me to cut his hair. I gave him zucchini bread, a banana, and finally a popsicle, but nothing helped the fact that he didn't want his hair cut. Ben was high above us on a ladder painting the outside of our house. Though I hated to bother him, I asked for his help. He helped me hold Z's head while I finished with the clippers, then got the scissors back out to trim around his ears. As Z fought us it was clear I was at risk of cutting his ear if I wasn't careful. I was being as careful as I thought a person could, and when Ben said, "Watch out for his ears," I insisted, "I won't cut his ear." You know what happened? I cut his ear. Clipped the top with the scissors. Ben was upset, Z was screaming, I was beside myself. What an awful moment. We rushed him upstairs for his bath and within a couple minutes Z calmed down and played in the water. It bled just a little bit. It was going to be okay, I let myself cry.

In my tears I continued my conversation I'd been having with God since our walk in the morning. "Usually You feel my pain, You know what I'm going through, but I don't think You do right now. You never screwed up. How can you know what that feels like? You're our perfect Father, and I know you hurt when we're hurting and that's part of it, that our little boy got hurt, but it's more than that. You would never hurt your children, certainly not by accident." Jesus never screwed up on Earth, God doesn't screw up. It never dawned on me until yesterday that there really was ONE feeling out there that God didn't experience first hand. I hope these thoughts aren't sacrilegious!

So, as I gathered myself and even mustered the courage to finish the haircut in the tub, I continued my prayerful thoughts, "That's why we're all so frustrated with our parents at some point in our lives, isn't it? That's where they don't measure up to our heavenly Father's example. We want them to be just like you, but they can't be, not while we're still here on Earth."

So, my final thought I found myself thinking was, "So, what? We all are in the same boat here on Earth we're flawed parents with flawed parents. That's what draws us to You, isn't it? We all need your forgiveness and to show Your forgiveness. We all need You."

Perhaps not a life shattering epiphany, but a conversation of note, at least, in my prayers.

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